Category: Life

Going to Ikea and the Neapolitan way to ‘sdrammatizzare’

Going to Ikea and the Neapolitan way to ‘sdrammatizzare’

Me and D found long-term housing and recently moved to a lovely little yellow house in Forio on the other side of the island. Before we moved, we went to Ikea to pick up a few things to set up the kitchen and while I was excited to go on the mainland for a day trip, D was in a bad mood.  He was nervous about driving since our 12-year old Fiat Punto was acting like a dick, the starter wasn’t firing the engine every time you turn the key. You have to do it a few times before it starts. It isn’t a big deal if you’re in a parking lot, but if you’re in a queue to get on and off the ferry it can be nerve-wracking. Also I think the car senses D’s mood because the more nervous he gets the more it acts up. You have to be pretty zen around the car, basically you have to not give a shit about cars beeping all around you waiting for you to get out of the way.

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Our 12-year old moody Fiat Punto that has made 5 trips to Venice so far.

The day of our Ikea trip, D wasn’t feeling very zen around the car and I was trying to keep the mood light. We weren’t off to a good start (pun intended) because every time we had to turn off the car (at the ticket office, at the port, in the queue), it took forever to get it to start again and cars beeped and sped around us, giving us stare downs as they passed. D was doing breathing exercises to keep himself from losing his shit and I ate snacks trying not to get bummed out by the car.

Finally we got on the ferry, but the big showdown was having to drive off the ferry an hour later when we arrived at Pozzuoli. Of course the car wouldn’t start and we were left sputtering on the boat while all the other cars zoomed off. D was sweating bullets and wanted to scream, but instead he shouted to some ferry workers who were hanging out by the opening and waved them down for help.

The guys from the ferry pushed our car right to where that Fiat Panda is

They came running over and D goes, ‘I need to push the car off the ferry’ and they immediately got into position. I sat in the passenger seat and looked at them in the rear view mirror and I saw them smiling, like this was something interesting for them. As the car started to gain speed from four guys pushing it, D jumped in the driver seat to steer the car.

‘Put it in third!,’ one of the guys shouted and they all laughed, their laughter echoing across the walls of the empty belly of the ferry. It sounded like a school cafeteria and everyone was excited to have a break.

I realised a bit of magic was happening. The Neapolitan art of ‘sdrammitazzare’, the art of taking the drama out of something, downplaying the bad vibes and turning it into a party. The guys pushing our car were having fun! They pushed the car off the ferry ramp and wheeled it to the side of the road. And then instead of walking away, they all crowded around the car, fighting with each other to take turns turning on the car and discussing what was really wrong. They wanted to know where we were going, what we were going to buy, what we did for work and where we lived on the island.

‘O, so we’re neighbours,’ one of the guys said. ‘We’ll see each other again!’

And another asked me, ‘But do you trust this guy to take you where you need to go?’

‘I have no choice.’ I said and that was so funny and we all laughed.

And then D shouted to everyone to be quiet and he turned the key half way. You could hear the subtle buzzing of the mechanism firing some gasoline into the engine. He turned the key and the car roared alive. We all shouted and clapped and the guys shook our hands and we thanked them a million times and they waved us goodbye and wished us a fun trip to Ikea.

And our mood was changed, and just like that life was different, clearing away the anxiety and self-questioning and we were happy puttering our way to Ikea.

It’s a great word. Sdrammatizzare. Downplay the negativity and take the situation lightly. Neapolitans, who are also masters at pouring drama into the most mundane everyday occurrences (just try having a conversation on a Monday about what to make for Sunday lunch next week), are known for this. Like ants attacking a breadcrumb, they’ll surround someone who is sad or in a bad mood and try to show them that they’re not in as bad of a place as they really are. And yeah, they can also take the act of sdrammatizzazione too far when they ignore societal or political problems, but it works well for a lot of things during everyday life.

La Pulcinella

This Neapolitan lesson of sdrammatizzazione has been incredibly helpful during these first few months of moving back to Italy. Sure there’s a lot to complain about and it’s easy to think that every difficulty that we come across is a sign that we can’t achieve what we really want. I can hear those voices from family members that told me that Italy was an impossible place to live in, that my parents sacrificed everything to give me a better life and now I want to turn my back on them and go live in Italy. But there is this new voice that comes, a Neapolitan voice that says, ‘Hey, look at you! You have a job and a place to live and so what if there’s the unknown in front of you. You have new friends and neighbours and people that care about you here and want to see you stay. So here, sit down. You hungry? Here’s a plate of cheese, bread, and my mother’s canned vegetables.’

“Don’t Eat the Stale Bread Dry”

“Don’t Eat the Stale Bread Dry”

When I was 19, a few weeks after my Nonna Concetta died, I had a dream about her. Me and my cousins were in a car, cruising around Ischia, one of the islands in the bay of Naples where my grandmother was from. We came across a house on top of a hill. My grandmother was standing in the doorway in her housedress and apron while her sister Zia Carmelina, who had passed away within weeks of my grandmother, was walking up the hill. I leaned out the window, shouting and waving and smiling. “A-Nonnn! A-Nonnnnn!” (which is Neapolitan dialect for La Nonna.)

The car slowed down and she looked at me with a serious face and said to me cryptically in dialect, “Don’t eat the stale bread dry. Make sure it has some juice on it.”

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I keep going back to this thing that she said. Especially lately since we’re making the slow plans to move back to Italy.

Growing up, in our house it was a sin to throw away bread. Partly for religious reasons since bread was considered Jesus’ body, but also because you don’t throw food away. (When we had a surplus of stale bread that was too much to consume, Mom would get around it by throwing the bread out in the backyard to ‘feed the animals.’)

I think in the dream she was trying to tell me something that she had found out once she made it to the other side of life. “Make sure it has some juice on it.” Don’t just swallow what you think you have to swallow, make sure it tastes good. Don’t turn your back on something that is old and stale, look it in the eye, take some control and make it taste good again. Make it your own.

Do you think she was talking about Italy? Perhaps to her and my mom and her brother and sisters, Italy was old and stale, full of sad memories of the war and poverty. But for me, if I put some juice on it, I can make it my own, make it taste good and make it home again.

 

Nonna Concetta and Zi'Adelina, Napoli, 1983
Nonna Concetta and Zi’Adelina, Napoli, 1983
My Kitty Ishtar and Red Wine Velvet Cake

My Kitty Ishtar and Red Wine Velvet Cake

As I get older, the ties to home fade and today I learned that my kitty Ishtar has passed away. I’m so, so, so sad. She was a skittish cat, but she loved me and felt safe with me. I was the only one who could pick her up. When I arrived home she would show up outside my window and meow to be let in. From that moment until I left to go back, she would stay in my room, purring on my bed, sleeping right in the crook of my arm. My mom would say, ‘As soon as she hears your voice, she comes running to the door.’

It’s hard for me to do much today and it’s hard to write or read, so I made a cake for Ishtar. The most beautiful and spectacular cake I could make to celebrate her life.

And red wine and baking in a warm kitchen on a cold winter day is such a perfect combination that I decided to make a:

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The recipe comes from The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook by Deb Perlman. The cookbook calls for a three-layer filled cake and since I don’t have the pans or 20 friends, I divided the measurements by three to make a small cake. But YOU don’t have to do it because the online version on the blog does it for you here. I love Deb Perlman’s recipes and this is such a good blog, full of recipes and stories.

The Smitten Kitchen's Red Wine Chocolate Cake
The Smitten Kitchen’s Red Wine Chocolate Cake

 

I had most of the ingredients, but I needed the wine and had run out of baking soda. (Baking soda is great for cleaning the caulk in the bathroom.) So I went to the Persian bodega around the corner from my place and I found this on the shelf next to a large selection of table salt:

Whaaa?

 

I asked the guy if it was sodium bicarbonate and he looked at the box for a long time and finally said, “It’s food soda.”

“I’ll take it,” I said.

The cake was easy to make and I listened to a dramatic reading of the Illiad on Radio 4 and while it was cooling, I got busy making the decorations for the cake.

I only started making cakes a couple of years ago when I met Davide and I’ve never decorated a cake. The great thing about beautiful cakes is that they can’t be precious. It’s funny how you can spend so much time making a cake beautiful when the whole point of the cake is that you eat it. A cake only lasts for a specific amount of time and making one feels like the perfect and most appropriate way to celebrate my loved one, Ishtar.

So this is what I did:

I printed out some pictures of Ishtar and drew some letters on coloured card stock, cut them all out and taped them to toothpicks.

I also got some gorgeous edible gold pearls from the Persians.

 

And finally, voila!

 

So when Davide comes home tonight, he’ll have Red Wine Ishtar Cake waiting for him and we’ll eat it and celebrate Ishtar and remember her.

ishtar

New Year’s Resolutions 2015

New Year’s Resolutions 2015

Goals. Resolutions. Plans. Projects. I can hear different voices in my head, that this idea of productivity is a capitalist endeavour, that unless we are doing we are seen as lazy. We must be productive, we must produce, we must be active, we must work. And I am a lover of idleness. Of keeping still, of thinking, of watching, external passiveness with a storm of internal thought. I suppose that’s why I can work from home and not be crippled by the solitude.

But still. That idle simmer of languid thought builds up and it needs somewhere to go, and that’s where the doing comes in, the action and it feels so good when it comes out.

I like resolutions for the New Year because you have a whole year to do it, a whole year for your desires to cook and pop. You make them in the midst of that colour switch from the gold, silver and coloured lights of the holiday season to the sunny white, pale blue and coming green of the new year. Everything seems clean ahead of you. And with that pen and piece of paper, all ready to write down your goals for the year, you have the power to create, to make things happen. It’s just between you and the paper, a conversation with yourself and your secret desires.

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This is the second year that I’ve decided to put my resolutions in a book instead of keeping them as a list in my notebook. In book form, it exists as something separate from the rest of my outpourings of emotions, memories and to-do lists that fill my notebook. I kept the 2014 book on the mantle to collect dust, but every now and then I’d flip through the pages. Surprisingly, even without being completely conscious of it, I managed to do them all. I put in some easy ones like ‘get married’ (the date was already set) but there were other ones that I did like take up jogging (I managed to run a 5k race) and start a blog (hello) which makes me feel like I accomplished something, or least took myself for my word. Even if I didn’t do them all well (after the 5k race I stopped running and starting eating cake when I began working in a bakery), I still did them and that’s a good feeling.

So this year, I wanted to do it again in a book and I used the little notebooks that we made for our wedding. (I told you how to do it here.) I like the way the small book fits in my hand and I like turning the pages.

Here they are:

  1. Write. This is always number 1 every year. But this year I’d like to publish more and get paid for it. Finish more stories. Join a writing group.
  2. Poems. Make a list of books read in 2015. This is a fun one! (And I can use one of the little notebooks for it.)
  3. Keep blogging and let it evolve if it wants to go in a different direction.
  4. Make a writer’s website.
  5. Learn Indesign.
  6. Do Pilates/Yoga.
  7. Make a quilt. An easy one with big pieces of fabric.Do more readings. Perform new material.

Having them written into something that I can hold makes me think that each goal is an object, something I can hold, a little baby to grown. You should do it, too. I think it will make you feel good.

Five Books on Food Writing to Make You Love Life

Five Books on Food Writing to Make You Love Life

Food is the centre of my life. Being hypoglycaemic, I have to eat proper meals with timed snacks so I don’t function like a turd. Basically, when my blood sugar level goes down, all my years of social conditioning from infancy to adulthood disintegrate and I turn into a rabid animal. I can’t listen, I can’t hear, I feel nauseous, I hate people standing too close to me, and it takes a lot of control and awareness that I’m still part of society to not bite them.

It’s not nice when it happens, but it’s really easy to control if I can just have a snack. This means that my day is planned around food and I have to carry nuts with me in order to talk to people.

So food is always on my mind and I’m always eating and on top of that, I also love reading about food. No, let me try that again. I LOVE reading about food, especially food memoirs.

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They show you the kitchen as the nucleus for human life. It’s stimulating to read about what people are cooking and eating and what’s going on in their lives. I want to know what they’re thinking about while they’re cooking, why they chose to make veal medallions and green beans on a snowy night all alone in the house. I want to know how hungry they are after having sex with a new lover and what they’re going to do with the onion and lardons in the fridge. Tell me about how much you love baked beans and the first time you tried them. Let me hear about how you got chestnuts with your mom in the farmers market on Christmas Eve. I want to know how your memories are filled with eating, what someone fed you when you found out your father was going to die, how colourful the oranges were on the streets of Rome in February 2005, how good that bowl of French onion soup was when you got off the boat on that cold, rainy day.

Food makes people’s lives tangible, relatable and close. In the end, we are all doing the same thing, filling up our stomachs in order to survive.

So here are 5 books on food writing that I go back to again and again. The more I read them, the more inspired I am to live, eat and write about life:

     1.     Alone in the Kitchen with an Egglant: Confessions of Cooking for One and Dining Alone (2007) – ed. Jenni Ferrari-Adler

–       a collection of essays about cooking for one including essays by MFK Fisher, Colin Harrison, Nora Ephron, and Laurie Colwin. What do these people eat when they are alone? Here you can get a sense of all these different voices and different styles in food writing.

 

how to cook a wolf2.     How to Cook a Wolf  (1942) by MFK Fisher

–       This is written like a how-to manual for keeping a joyful kitchen during WWII. But it’s quite subversive and modern and today it’s like reading a DIY book on dissident home cooking against a homegenized food culture. Very modern for America in 1942.

 

 

FullSizeRender 23.     Home Cooking (1988) and More Home Cooking (1993) by Laurie Colwin

–       Colwin’s essays on home cuisine are loved by many readers and convey a sense of a well-loved time spent with yourself. You get the feeling of the author’s home and writing life and how food and her writing practice went hand in hand. It’s straightforward cooking and straightforward writing and you come away enthusiastic for some basic ingredients that you want to try in your own kitchen.

 

cooking for mr latte4.     Cooking for Mr. Latte (2004) by Amanda Hesser

–       The former NY Times food critic chronicles her courtship with Tad Friend, staff writer for The New Yorker alongside recipes of the meals they shared. Don’t be fooled by the stylized chick-lit cover, this is good writing and moments of humour and depth are woven into the chapters. It also makes you feel like you can recreate sensuality in your own life with these recipes.

 

lunch in paris5.     Lunch in Paris (2010) by Elizabeth Bard

–       Another story about the successful love affair between an American writer and a French grad student with fun and easy recipes. I loved this one in particular since I could identify with her struggles and joys as an ex-pat in Europe. I’m excited to find out that she has another book, Picnic in Provence, scheduled to come out in April 2015.